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I have been blessed with a son as my first born. I say I am blessed not because he is perfect, quiet, well mannered, or a good listener, but because he is my reason to be before the Lord daily.
J came as a huge surprise in my life. We had originally planned to have children after 5 years of marriage, but I was very sick with endometriosis that I was told could inhibit my chances of having children. Needless to say our plans changed and after being married less then a year we were pregnant with J. The very first night we brought him home we knew it was going to be the longest of nights. After 10 months of long nights J finally slept one night through.
He has always been restless, and in need of constant attention. With my nature, which is quiet J and I have always clashed. I have read every book about boys, and I’ve come to one great conclusion that God knew I could be his mom. I can’t explain how or why but I trust that God gave me (this 100% boy) for the best reason of all, to be closer to Him.
I have spent hours crying and pledding with God to change me. To give me more patients and much needed rest with J. J is my heart, and I am truly blessed to have a constant reminder that I cannot be a mom without Christ holding my hand everyday, and at times every moment of every day. He challenges me to be quiet more, to play more, laugh more, and love more.
With each passing year I wonder if life will get easier, but then I’m encouraged that everyday spent with the Lord it does get easier. By faith I walk, and if J’s life causes me to live on bended knee then it has all been worth it.