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We are back to homeschooling and for the life of me I can’t figure out how to help J in the midst of a meltdown. He digs his heals in so hard and is so determined not to do what I ask that I think he’ll go without food, sleep, play, or soccer just to not do his work. Where in the world is this coming from??? I have prepped him for the beginning of school for weeks, and because we have not finished last semesters work he is doing the same thing, so nothing is really that new here.
I grow so frustrated with him I’ve already locked myself in my room just so I can breathe without smoke coming out of my ears. What am I missing??? I get that kids on the spectrum need structure, but when I give him it and it doesn’t work then what??? The constant in our school morning is that he will throw a major temper tantrum and somehow I am supposed to be ready for it. Maybe that is the key! If I come to expect it then perhaps it wont effect me so much.
Can anyone who reads this blog understand???
Will life be easier if I plan every minute of his day to be like the one before it? Can anyone who is not on the spectrum live like that? I feel like I am walking on an uncharted path and I cannot see the step before me, and every school year is the same as before.
People who watch J say “oh he’s just like my son, or he’s just a boy” but I have to ask if your son or that boy can refocus on a task that was not his idea to begin with? Or come back to a task when he would rather be doing something else? Does your son or that boy have anxiety attacks because he cant remember what 5-1=? There is very little reasoning with J when I’ve “lost” him, and trying to convince him that school is important is like telling a fish to climb a tree.
On a much brighter note.
I remember when I was in labor and I would ask “how do you know when you are in labor?” Women would say “oh you’ll know!” As if it was magic. Well my labor came but when it truly started is still a mystery to me. Why am I telling you this?
Well the same has been true for J reading. I would bang my head on the wall wondering if he would ever catch on or want to read. Moms would say to me “oh it will happen just be patient.” Yeah being patient is so hard when you are in the midst of pregnancy, diaper changing, sleep training, and teaching a kid to read. I usually tell parents to forgo homeschooling until someone else has taught them how to read. And then I listened to a podcast a few weeks ago and someone said that when your child no longer needs your help they will stop asking. Its sad when you think to hard on that idea, but in terms of reading it made sense. When J would brush my hand away when I would try to help or say “mom I can do it” was when I realized he is getting it.
Today J read 3 paragraphs mostly by himself with confidence and clarity. Just like that the training wheels came off and with a little cheering from the sidelines he was off. So perhaps like reading and all the rest of life’s, “is this ever going to end,” moments the truth is, yes it will end, and he will grow up and he will no longer need me anymore. Perhaps I should stop trying so hard to get him off of training wheels and enjoy the reality that he does need me.